Spoiled Rotten Pet Sitting Tampa

Did you know that you're supposed to clean the INSIDE of the computer screen? Not many people know this or how to do it. So, here's a complimentary cleaning. 

 http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

1.  Don't go out without proper ID.

2.  When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).

3.  Be aware when to hold your tongue and when to use it.

4.  Leave time in your day for a good nap.

5.  Always give people a friendly greeting.  A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.

6.  Be direct with people.  Let them know exactly how you feel by peeing on their shoes.

7.  If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

8.  If you stare at someone long enough, you'll eventually get what you want.

A.  Know that the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life.  You have the advantage of strength.  Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield.  Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him.  It is recommended that you get in the tub with the cat and shut the sliding glass door.

B.  Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all of the skin from your body.  Your advantage is that you have the smarts to dress to protect yourself.  It is recommended to wear canvas coveralls tucked into high top construction boots, welding gloves, an army helmet, and a goalie mask.

C.  Use the element of surprise.  Nonchalantly pick up your cat.  They usually will not notice your bizarre attire.

D.  Speed is essential to survival.  In a single motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in water and squirt him with shampoo.  This is the beginning of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

E.  Remember that soapy, slippery cats do not have handles.  Do not expect to be able to hold onto him for more than a few seconds at a time.  When he springs free, he will fall back into the water, rinsing himself off.

F.  Next, the cat must be dried.  This is pretty easy because he is now affixed to your leg.  Just reach down and dry him.  Occasionally he will end up affixed to your goalie mask.

G.  In a few days, the cat will be relaxed enough to be removed from your face.  He will spend the next few weeks looking like a statue.  He is plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life next time you try to give him a bath.  But at least he smells better.

Leash: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your owner where you want them to go. 

Dog Bed: Any soft, clean surface such as a white bedspread, newly upholstered couch or fresh dry cleaning.

Drool: What to do when your owners have food and you do not.  Sit as close as you can to them and let the drool fall onto their feet.

Sniff: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs or people who smell like dogs.

Garbage Can: A container your neighbors set out to test your smarts.  Stand on your hind legs and knock the lid off with your nose.  You will be rewarded with food wrappers to shred and bones to consume.

Thunder: A sign that the world is coming to an end.  Humans remain amazingly calm so you must warn them of the danger by trembling, panting and barking.

Wastebasket: A dog toy filled with papers to string all over the house when you are bored.  Be sure to check out the special bathroom trash.

Bath: A process owners use to clean you, drench the floor, walls and themselves.  You can help by shaking frequently and rolling around.

Lean: A good dog's response to "sit".  Especially if your owner is wearing black or dressed nice and you shed alot.

You must scratch me there!

Yes, above my tail!

Behold, elevator butt.

The rule for today:

Touch my tail, I shred your hand.

New rule tomorrow.

Grace personified.

I leap into the window.

I meant to do that.

Small brave carnivores

Kill pinecones and mosquitoes

Fear vacuum cleaner.

Wanna go outside.

Oh crap! Help! I got outside!

Let me back inside!

I love my master,

Thus I perfume myself with

This long dead squirrel.

Today I sniffed

Many dog butts- I celebrate

By kissing your face.

How do I love thee?

The ways are numberless as

My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!

I am so ecstatic I have

Made a puddle.

I am your best friend,

Now, always, and especially

When you are eating.

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog.

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a fresh and clean dog.

Labrador Retreiver + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retreiver, choice of scientists.

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog prone to awful mistakes.

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog who can't keep a secret.

Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Bullshitz, a dog who is full of it.

SBF seeks male companion.  I'm a svelte, good looking girl who LOVES to play.  I love long walks, hunting, camping, riding in your truck, fishing trips and cozy winter nights lying fireside.  Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.  I'll be at the front door waiting for you when you get home wearing only what nature gave me.  Kiss me and I'm yours.  Call 555-2121 and ask for Daisy.

This was a real ad run in the classifieds by the Humane Society.  Daisy was an 8 week old labrador retreiver.

"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue."
- Anonymous

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." - Josh Billings

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." - Andy Rooney

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog." - Franklin P. Jones

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - Unknown

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is almost $3.00 per can.  That is $21.00 in dog money." - Joe Weinstein

"If you pick up a starving dog and make his prosperous, he will not bite you.  That is the principal differnce between dog and man." - Mark Twain

"Dogs are not are whole lives nut they make our lives whole." - Roger Caras

"If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them." - Phil Pastoret